Such a Good Shot

she stared at him
not in disbelief
not really
not in shock
not really

she simply
                  stared

it occurred to her that while
                                                 carefully
mottling the cool greens of these 
walls of these bedroom
walls of these master bedroom
walls
she had expected these shades
of moss
of envy
of tornado storm sky
to witness many scenes through many years

because
only she would make the changes
only she would prime the greens
only she would roll the new colours
only she
as always

and so she had mottled
                                          carefully
expecting to live amid these
pacific greens for
years for many
years
           together

I guess the easiest way to explain it…        

had he always been
this
this small
this short
 this tiny
 this negligible
                         in
this room

Is that I’m tired.  I’m just tired.  I’m tired of being married.

to me she thought
but did not hear him say
and in that silence she thought
of Mitchell

***

how long had it been
how long since she had stood
where Tom stood now
how long since she had said

I
do not
           want
to be married
                        anymore
to you

how long
three four five years

but no
           no

she had not stood
she had sat
upright in the
bed the black backed
bed the black backed
                                      loveless
bed

she had sat
upright as Tom
                           knelt
bony knees cut by the
cold overpriced dowels of
bamboo

I don’t want to lose you.
his same voice (less tired) had said
kneeling as she sat
upright in silence
and thought
                      again
of Mitchell

Mitchell who even then
drove
drove away from his
ComfortableHome
drove away from his
CrazyExWife
drove away from his
CherishedChildren
drove
          to
her to them to their
FutureTogether

as Tom knelt
No matter what, I don’t want to lose you

as Tom knelt
shifting
knee to knee
Don’t all these years count for something?

as Tom knelt
bamboo biting broken skin
No one will ever love you as much as I love you.

as Tom knelt
bending retrieving a
box a velvet
box as black as the black backed
bed
 in which she sat
silent
          still

as Tom knelt
opening the box
offering its contents
pearls
           two
diamonds
                  three
bound in
                one
platinum circle

as Tom knelt
taking her hand
pressing her hand
Mona Lisa hands…
to his lips
My Mona Lisa hands

as Tom knelt
slipping the gems onto her finger
easily
Perfect fit

as Tom knelt
smiling against her skin

she could not look
at him
she could look
only
at the ring

pearls not white but
black
as the inky black
box
as the black backed
bed

pearls not white but
black
black and
surrounded
clustered
choked
by a crystalline
                          halo
of ice

as Tom knelt
You are my wife, Casha…
as Tom knelt
You are my wife.  He will never call you that.

and Mitchell
never had

***

in silence
she slipped the ring from her finger
easily

in silence
she watched the ring fly from her hand
easily

as Tom ducked

too slow
              she thought
always
too slow

in silence
she smiled as the ring caught
easily
the corner of his mouth
as the diamonds slashed
easily
the cold hard line of his lips

Months later, badly in need of money, Cassandra would regret tossing away such a treasure.  Now she could only smile.  It had been such a good shot.

©s rogers 10 April 2009

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