Pay Off

Screaming at you on Valentine's Day
or close enough not to matter

When did they ever? Matter.  
To Us.  To You.

And here I am -- alone-- on the side of a road -- alone

The aged, weakened, worried
                           Mother
waiting alone.  Even more alone than I.

Afraid
For me
Of me
Of Us
Of you

Alone, again I am here, alone

You responded
             Did you?

If you did, the words were
as always
only words 

Not enough, never enough

As though knowing that your
                           Silence
That bottomless, hollow, ineffable 
                           Silence
was the the only appropriate concomitant
                             
to what you were doing to me
to what you did to me
to what you had done to me
to what I
          Allowed
every day
         every hour
                   every year
for so long
           even 
                then.

Only your ineluctable 
                     Silence
could host such a Horror.

So
   I bought a car

Alone

Without so much as in
put
without so much as ad
vice 
from you

        The
Husband
        comfortably
ensconced with 
        The
Wife

two days
two lifetimes

             Away, always away

on the smoky
            side
of a mountain.

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