The First

Have you ever watched a cat?

     his heart beat steady beneath her ear
     she lay
                  very still

I mean really watched a cat?  How it moves, how it walks, how it curls around itself… I don’t mean the whole graceful
thing… not that… besides, I don’t think it’s grace, really… it’s more like

     the beat of his heart had not changed
     and yet it seemed the hair on his chest was
                                beneath her cheek

I think that grace is just… a by-product, really… a result of what a cat is… who a cat is… What it sees, what it knows… because a cat is basically just

     with only her eyes
             she looked across him
                     to the splash of moonlight
                             on the table
     even in the darkness
             she could see particles of dust
                     floating in that light
                             falling delicately
                                     hanging in the smoke
                                                     of their last cigarette

And if it weren’t for what the cat sees… and how it sees… or at least what it thinks it sees… it would probably never

             her smooth leg
                             up his thigh
     knee nuzzling
                             against his balls
     still warm
             from her mouth
                                her hands
                                     her body
     his heartbeat

But it has to, you see…. are you listening to me?  Listen to me, Cassandra… are you listening?  Because what I’m trying to tell you is important… and I’m always afraid you don’t really

     behind the curtained whirr
                             of the freeway
     a morning bird
                     in the darkness
                                     one… two… no, three
     fall will come
                     early this year

And I need you to listen to me now… to really understand this, Cassandra… because I’ve been watching them… cats… for a long time now… and I didn’t understand why… not until tonight… and now I get it… I think they are like you – the cats…I think they are what you are… or you are what they are… I don’t know… it’s just that cats live in a different place… on a different…. Emotional Plane… than other animals… than humans… a place where it’s

     she sat up
                     from his chest
     pushing back
                     on her haunches
     staring down
                     at his eyes
                             sea-coloured even
                                                  in moonlight

But it’s who you are… it’s where you live… and the sooner you come to realize that… to understand and accept it…  to understand and accept the fact that the place you live is a place most people never even visit in their entire lives… it’s a place where most people can’t


It can’t sustain most human life…. and so you’ve no right, really, to hold it against us – to be angry with us that we can’t be there… can’t stay there… with you… You must see that, Cassandra… you must learn to accept that… Because if you don’t learn it now, you’ll spend your whole life being


Because no one can stay… No One can… sustain… like you can… it’s just not possible for us humans… even when we want to… even when we really try… that place is only liveable for a  


     blinking slowly
             she slipped from the bed
                             reached across him
                                             for a cigarette
                             and padded softly
                                             down the hall

c.sdmrogers 2008